Who Doesn't Love a Makeover?

After years of the same old boring pre-loaded blogger settings, I have decided to give the look of The Shoe Chronicles a little facelift. I know, I know...she's only going on 4 years old, but in internet terms, that's pretty old. Imagine how some of today's favorite websites would look if they hadn't been updated in 4 years. I rest my case.

Normally I would have something amaaaazing to talk about, but I'm straight up tuckered out from working on this all day long! That being said, I'll leave you to admire my handywork and let THAT do all of the talking.  LOL!!

Please feel free to leave any comments/suggestions you may have in the comments section.

Here's a Juicy Tid-bit for Ya!

If you were out shopping for a new, designer-yet-affordable accessory and you saw the tag line "Born in the Glamorous U.S.A.", how would you interpret that? For me, it means that the product I am holding in my hot little hands was not only conceptualized by a fellow American but more importantly, produced and assembled by my fellow Americans in our "glamorous" United States of America.

Urban Decay = Suburban Hooray!

Cosmetic manufacturer Urban Decay has partnered with Ulta Beauty to offer one of the best gift-with-purchase promotions I've seen in some time. With any $20 Urban Decay purchase, you'll receive not one, but TWO deluxe sample size 24/7 Eyeliner pencils (*while supplies last, of course). A "deluxe sample" is traditionally 1/2 the size of the full-sized product. At $17 each, these eyeliners aren't exactly at the bottom of the cosmetic affordability scale. Then again, they don't hold anything to Sisley-Paris Kohl Perfect Eyeliner at $53 each.

 

'Coon Eye Update

Hi y'all! I'm back with the much-anticipated update on my ongoing trial of Peter Thomas Roth's Power K Eye Rescue.

So, let me start by saying that as much as I intended to use this eye gel everyday, the reality of my ridiculous work schedule kind of got in the way. I was fairly religious about the daily application for about the first 2 weeks, but that kind of tapered off to my current regimine of 5 times per week.

Racoon Eyes Anyone?

Wow! It's been a full year since my last post, and for that I apologize. But it's got me thinking...I wonder how all of my faithful followers have possibly managed in the absence of regular doses of my witty humor and outstanding taste in footwear. Hmmm...I shall ponder the effects of my neglect at a later date.Peter Thomas Roth "Power K Eye Rescue" . I have used PTR in the past with great success. They offer an amazing line of products with high concentrations of glycolic acid, which is great for battling acne while simultaneously offering some anti-aging benefits. As per the the printing on the jar, PTR Power K Eye Rescue is an "eye treatment for dark circles and fine lines. With: vitamin K in liposomes, anti-oxidants, vitamin C, green tea, kijic acid, co-enzyme Q-10 encapsulated in caviar-like beads, citrus bioflavonoids, and arnica".

Bob Harper, Will You Marry Me?

For those of you who don't know, I am a huge fan of the show The Biggest Loser (couldn't tell by looking at me, but whatever). I really enjoy watching these "contestants" overcome their struggles with weight and food. I used to think that the methods of the show weren't exactly healthy until I recently discovered that the show is filmed over a 225 day period. Anyway, enough about that.

You're Gonna Love My Nuts

Ahhh...the makers of ShamWow! are at it again. This time with a "revolutionary" "new" product idea called the Slap Chop. Below you will find the 3min infomercial for your viewing pleasure.

We're gonna make America skinny again...one slap at a time!

I Was Tagged and I Failed...B-A-N-D BANNED!

Wow, I totally suck! I got "tagged" by my girl Gretchen a looooong time ago and just now realized it. Though this is completely Christmas related, I am going to complete it in hopes that it will redeem me in the eyes of Gretchen's gypsy heart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hello all! With the holidays fast approaching, I thought it would be fun to share with you my favorite Thanksgiving commercial. I hope you find it as funny as I do!

What A Cheeky Bugger

Yeah...so, ok...I was on the phone yesterday, chatting up my BFF about her super cool new car. Being the busy-body that I am, I was pacing around my dining room...back and forth...back and forth. During one of my trips toward the front door, I glanced out the front window. Since my neighborhood is still sparsely populated, I take notice when someone walks down the street. So there I am, gazing haphazardly out the window while listening to the details of BFF's most recent purchase and there he was...strolling by in all his biblical glory. No, Jesus did not pass by my front window. It was what I can only assume was my neighbor...STARK FREAKING NAKED!!! When I first noticed him I thought to myself "Ha! That's funny. That guy's shorts are totally the same color as his skin and he totally looks naked!!" Theeeeeen, as he continued his glorious stroll up the street I was able to catch a glimpse of the rear view, the full moon. I nearly dropped the phone I was laughing so hard! I mean, WHO DOES THAT?! Who walks down a neighborhood street, well ANY street for that matter, NAKED?? Now mind you, it wasn't like he was covering himself and scurrying around like he locked himself out of the house. Nope! It looked like he was headed down to check the mail or something (no pun intended). I was seriously the strangest, funniest thing that has happened to me in a while.

Only in Laveen...

Does Anyone Know This Girl??

Kids Say the Darndest Things...

Mole Freckles!

One Night In Paris...France, that is

Sometimes I think of how lucky I am to work for the airlines. Well, maybe not lucky but whatever you want to call it. Tomorrow I'll no doubt be singing a new tune, but for now I'll just go with this. My "luck" as we'll now call, has taken me all over the world and most recently it resulted in an amazing one day trip to Paris. What started as a "what if" conversation one slow Saturday morning at work turned into a whirl wind trip across the country and the Atlantic Ocean with 5 friends.

Since my super-fantastic airline does not yet fly directly to Europe from Phoenix, we were forced to trek to Philadelphia, PA to catch our connection to Paris...except the all non-stop flights from Phoenix to Philly (that would get us there in time to fly to Paris) were full so a connection in Boston was in our future. Overnight flight Phoenix to Boston, then an early morning shuttle flight from Boston to Philadelphia.

Once in Philly, we had just enough time (10 hrs total) to head downtown for sightseeing and cheesesteaks then right back to the airport for the flight to Paris. We arrived into Paris early the next day and hit the pavement hard. In our 30 hours on the ground, we visited the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, Avenue des Champs-Elysees, the Louvre (ok...so just the outside cuz it was CLOSED), and Notre Dame...then back to the Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe to check 'em out at night.

We made it back to the hotel just after midnight and stayed up until after 2am recapping our amazing travels. After a long "nap", we were back to Charles de Gaulle airport and eventually Phoenix. Our short few days were packed with story after story...far too many to tell here. Pictures were plentiful and you may check them out here, and here, and here, and here.

Oh, and for those of you who are wondering if I sauntered around Paris in my high heels du jour, the answer is no. I opted for the more sensible yet still fashionable SKECHERS Bikers-Straightaway.

World, please welcome baby Kaitlin Donna

I would like to take a moment to welcome the newest addition to our family...Kaitlin Donna. She joined us at 8:39a on Saturday July 19th weighing in at 8lb 4oz. Mom and baby are home now and doing well.

And since this is my favorite cousin's new baby, who is also a shoe aficionado, I thought these were perfect for the occasion. (No, these are not a joke...they're manufactured by a company called Heelarious...and hilarious they are!)

OMG...my blog is LAME-O

So, when I started this blog I was thoroughly expecting to have some ground-breaking, ultra-inspiring things to write about. You know, use this as my chance to put my insane wittiness on the Internet for allllll to read. But here I sit...in my bed wearing a frock that could be loosely described as a night gown with the worst bed head ever agonizing over the stunning realization that my blog is totally LAME-O. WTF?! How did this happen? I mean, I'm pretty sure I am an interesting person, and I know for damn sure that some funky shit happens in my life.

I suppose this is as good a time as any that I mention to all of you that I had a near-death experience on a little trip I took to San Diego back in May. And by "near-death experience" I mean "near-death experience". Our travel group was small...just 4 of us...and our plan was to attend the Red Bull Air Races (I know...but we're all self-proclaimed airline geeks, so its ok). Well, that was the plan. Since there's little difference between the qualifying heat and the final race, we decided to fore go Saturday's festivities and instead head to the beach. A short train ride up to Encinitas later and we were at the 7-eleven stocking up on the necessary booze to make for a relaxing afternoon. Why is it that I need to continually remind myself to travel with a bottle opener? Anyway, 6 Coronas, 4 Sparks alcoholic energy drinks, and 1 bruised hand later (yes, from opening the beer) and this group of overworked, underpaid airline employees was ready to head back to San Diego.

(photos below by Michael Hamann)

The next few hours were thoroughly uneventful; train ride back to San Diego, bus ride to the hotel, showers for everyone, then off to dinner and partying in the Gas Lamp District. We ate at a great local brewery called Karl Strauss. Food was good...beer was great. From there we meandered to The Shout House to enjoy the dueling pianos, then Rock Bottom Brewery for live music and a hip hop DJ, and ended the drinking binge/bar hopping at Hennessey's for more live music.

Our stroll out of the bar to find a cab to get us back to the hotel yielded a different brand of excitement. In an effort to score the cheapest and fastest cab ride possible, we immediately vacated the over-crowded Gas Lamp District in favor of a less crowded street to hail our chariot. Since we were suddenly in a desolate area of downtown, finding a cab proved a little more difficult than we initially anticipated. So...we walked...when out of no where BOOM! A loud bright explosion detonated about 100 yards up and across the street from where we were walking. Almost immediately following the blast, the street was eerily silent then followed by the sound of sirens coming from every direction. We attempted to approach the first responding officers to let them know what we saw, but they were more interested in clearing the area in the event of another blast. So, we picked ourselves up by our drunken bootstraps, hailed a cab and went back to the hotel.

The following morning, just for shits and giggles, one of my travelling companions decided to check the internet to see if our little encounter made the news. And waddya know, it did...read this. Needless to say we were a bit freaked out and super thankful to be alive. Thinking back to the night before, if one of my travelling companions hadn't gone to the restroom just prior to leaving Hennessy's, we'd all probably be dead right now, or at the very least nursing some nasty wounds. We were in the best possible position when the bomb went off...under a part of the federal court house that is built over the road, much like an overpass, thus shielding us from the shrapnel. Being good citizens that we are, we contacted the local police to inform them that we were witnesses to the blast. So, instead of spending that afternoon taking in the finals of the Red Bull Air Races, we had some nice one-on-one time with a few choice federal agencies.

As a knee-jerk, post-traumatic stress induced reaction, I promptly purchased a shiny new pair of shoes. After all, I deserved them, right? I mean, it is the most natural thing to do following a pipe bombing...DUH. So, here they are...Juvett by ALDO.

The First Annual "Tower Tear-it-Up"

A few weekends ago, a group of girls from the tower got together and decided that we needed to hit the beach - just the girls. Our original plan was to head to Puerto Vallarta, but since the flights were unusually full for this time of year, we opted then to drive to the nearest beach - Puerto Penasco, MX (Rocky Point to the AZ locals). We stayed in the most amazing condo I've ever been in at Las Palomas - 1600 sq ft of modern luxury.

Since we all agreed to abide by the creed of "What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico", all I can say is that we had a wonderful time. We got to relax, enjoy many cocktails, and swork on our tans.

That is all.

Home Improvement Week at the White House

One of these days I'm going to turn on the television only to find that Dameone has blocked HGTV from me. But honestly, I can't resist the temptation to attempt home improvement projects! This week was particularly busy in the home project area. I managed to tackle flooring in both the main bathroom and the kitchen. Here's before and after pics of the bathroom and an after only pic of the kitchen:

We also hired Elite Sunscreens to come out and install solar screens on our house. For those of you who are outside AZ, solar screens are installed on the outside of the house to block sunlight from penetrating the windows. In the summertime, these screens can reduce our cooling costs greatly which in turn will reduce our overall impact on the Earth. Here are the before and after pics of the outside of the house:

The Most Anticipated Blog Update of the Year

So I know you're all thinking "Hey, I wonder if Jessica ever moved into that house she and Dameone were building." Well, the answer is "YES!" and we're all moved in and finally settled. Getting unpacked took quite a bit longer than I expected. We got about 90% of everything unpacked within the first week, but that nagging last 10% has taken us nearly 3 months!

Moving day was quite the interesting adventure. As you all know, it like hardly ever rains in AZ...except on the day that any descendant of my mother's has an important event planned (wink, wink). I haven't seen it rain this hard since Gretchen's wedding (those that were there know exactly what I'm talking about). For the move we decided that we could probably handle moving the boxes and some small furniture ourselves and then hired movers to come get the rest the following day. Here are some pics of us getting our truck loaded up:

Rain...

Sunshine... (It's a little difficult to tell, but I promise you...it was raining HARD. The slight flooding that you can see was the result of about 1 hour of rain.)

Our closing was scheduled for 1pm, so we stopped loading at around 1230pm and headed over to our NEW HOUSE!! We had our final walk through and then had to wait for the loan to be funded and recorded before we could get our keys. While we waited, our realtor, Dameone, and I went over to Applebee's for lunch. The only reason my nerves didn't take over my appetite was because we'd been working so hard all morning. Sure enough, just after we gave our food order, we got the call from the bank that the house was ours. Since the service at our new neighborhood Applebee's is less than speedy, we were forced to enjoy a nice slow lunch. Maybe it just seemed that way becuase I was dying to unlock the front door of MY house!

After lunch was over, we stopped by the sales office to pick up our keys:

That's goofy Martin, our K. Hovnanian sales rep. Super nice guy...but super goofy! Oh, and I'm totally aware that I look like a ragamuffin...but hey - I just loaded up a moving truck...in the rain!

And what would a new home be without a little champagne??? (there's nothing like drinking the good stuff straight from the bottle)

After we took a few moments to enjoy our new empty house, we unloaded the moving truck and my friends helped me put up some ceiling fans and paint the living room. You'll get the interior tour next time around.

Move-in Day is Here!!

I know I said that I was going to update everyone "as soon" as we got our closing day. Well, I got a little busy and forgot to tell you that we're closing TOMORROW (Monday, January 7th)!! I can not even begin to tell you how excited we are about taking the next step in our lives.

As soon as we get moved in and settled I will post another update, with pictures, of the finished product!

Happy Birthday RJ

I wanted to take a moment to wish my nephew RJ a very Happy Birthday! Dameone and I love you and miss you very much.

Happy Birthday